How To Help Your Children Process Emotions

Testimony shared on February 21, 2021 • Comments: 0 Comments

Go From Kicking And Screaming To A Positive Conversation

Listen, as Breanna shares how she found out how to communicate with her son C and went from screaming, kicking, throwing stuff, and even saying I hate you, to mommy I need my monster book, a book designed to help kids learn about feelings.

You Need To Meet Them Where They're At

My name is BreAnna and today I want to share with you a story about my son C.

When my son was around 4 years old, he would have these terrible outbursts of anger where he would kick, scream, throw things, kick the walls, and it got to the point as I would be disciplining him that he would even say, "He hated me."

At that moment, I broke down and ended up escaping into my room, crying, I called my husband and said I don't know what to do to help him calm down.

Over the next 2-2.5 years, my husband and I tried many different things to help our son C better communicate and process the emotions he was going through.

Some of the things that we tried after reading some books were calming chairs where we sit our son in a chair and have him work through his emotions... that didn't work.

We tried sending him to his room but at the height of him being angry and then telling him to go to his room, he would end up going to his room and just throwing things everywhere and then would get even more upset when I would come in and tell him, he now needed to clean his room as well.

Finally, we found a book called, What If I Know My Feelings by Michelle Nelson-Schmidt, that changed everything around for us.

In this book it shows different monsters, their faces, and the feelings associated that allow toddlers to learn and process emotions.

It was during one extreme outburst that at the moment I asked C what we could that would allow him to communicate what he was feeling, that he responded, I need my monster book.

Fast forward a little bit and today we are working on how to handle these situations about processing feelings when not at home and don't have the book available and C is doing great.

I highly recommend this book to any mother who is having a hard time communicating with their children when they are upset and not sure why they are feeling the way they are.

Testimony Timestamps

Who Are You

Tell Me About Yourself - 0:43

How Long Have You Been Walking With Jesus - 2:10

Have You Always Seeked His Wisdom - 2:37

What Was The Problem Like Before

What Was The Situation Like Before - 4:30

What Moment Made You Decide To Try Something Different - 6:17

What Was It Like While Trying To Find The Solution

What Were Things You Tried But Didn't Work - 10:20

What Was The Most Difficult Part While Waiting For Something To Change - 13:58

How Did The Enemy Attack You While Trying To Apply Your Advice - 17:06

What Scriptures, Encouragement, People or Other Aspect Kept You Hopeful - 22:07

Were There Any Surprises Or Revelations You Came Across - 24:20

What Was It Like When Things Changed

What Was The Pivotal Turning Point When You Finally Found What Works - 25:58

How Did You Feel When You Finally Found What Worked 29:38

What Was The Number One Thing You Learned While Going Through This Process - 31:44

What Are You Working On Next

What Are You Currently Trying To Figure Out - 36:04

What Would You Want To Tell Mothers Out There Still Trying To Figure Something Out - 36:57

Quotes From This Testimony

Every day, every day multiple times a day even I feel like, okay so no it's not even I feel like, 100 transparent real mom you feel it even on the good days. There isn't a day that goes by where the enemy isn't trying to say you're failing, you're not doing this right, someone could do it better.

Getting him to understand the differences in emotions because we know there's so many and even the ones that we've been able to utilize most without the tools that we were able to find he just didn't understand. When we use the words are you frustrated or are you mad, believe it or not those are two different things.

What If I Know My Feelings? by Michelle Nelson-Schmidt

The biggest thing I learned throughout this is walking away. If you're too mad to talk about the emotions of your children, walk away, it's no different advice that I would give if you're talking to a spouse or significant other or even family members, do not speak in anger because anything that comes from anger, from your mouth typically, is not kind, because we're not level-headed.

I think the biggest thing that I would, hopefully it will come across well, is whatever you decide for your child in terms of anything from education, to different sports that they're in, whether or not you guys are going out or staying in, don't ever feel ashamed for the decision that you're making and know that if you are out and about and you have moms that are mom-shaming you, listen, just rebuke it because that is directly from the enemy trying to get in your head, also self-care is important, very important and do not feel guilty about hiding in the closet eating chocolate, it is not a problem.

Testimony Transcript

Hello everybody my name is Josh Hines and this is Praying Mamma. Today we have our first advice piece, I know the last time we had a testimony of prayer from my mother today we're going to have my cousin on the line she is Brianna, she's going to be sharing some advice that she learned. I'm not gonna introduce her too much because that's the first section that we're gonna be going through, who she is so the sections we're gonna be doing are, who are you, what was the problem like before that you were trying to solve, what was it like while you were trying to solve it, what was it like after you solved the problem and how things changed, and then we're going to end the conversation with what is she working on now. So without further ado I'll turn this over to Brianna. The first question I want to go through, this section's called, who are you? Tell me a little bit about yourself, who you are, how many kids you have, just so that mothers can have a sense of idea of where you're coming from and what you have to offer. So just a couple minutes anything high level.

Okay so obviously like Josh said my name is Brianna and I have one earthly child, my son. He's six years old we call him C, as his nickname. He is the joy of my life, I also work full-time. I am a medical biller and then I homeschool our child as well. So he's at home with me and we homeschool four days a week, I work four days a week 10-hour shifts, and yeah so busy fun lots of things to do and yeah I think that's I think that's pretty good pretty much it. That sounds good she gives a little high level. So she's, has a son how old is he again? He's six. So he just started school a little bit ish ago? He's actually, he's actually yeah So we've been homeschooling, we started to homeschool early because he showed interest. Okay, wow! He's actually going into the second grade this fall. Wow, all right I, I'm totally off with times. That's okay, it's okay. So the next question is, how long have you been walking with Jesus? So I have been walking with Jesus for a long time. My grandmother actually brought me to Christ during VBS in grade school and I have been with him ever since.

Is Jesus the type of person that you've always sought his wisdom or has there been periods where you kind of relied on your own strength and things kind of fall apart or has there always been like a really close relationship where you just go to him for everything because I mean that's what we all do right? Yeah, totally No so yeah in full transparency of course there have been a few times in my life where I chose to be stubborn and to not listen even when I could hear him telling me that it wasn't the right move or that wasn't on the path I was supposed to be taking and of course as you said it definitely fell apart crash burn the end and yeah I'm very thankful that now because of learning the lessons from the crash and burn that I feel like I have a closer relationship to him because I've been able to learn how to communicate more and for my relationship to grow through his word and really basing a lot of my decisions through scripture which of course, is the best truth that we have from him outside of if you're very in touch and able to hear from the holy spirit directly.

All right thanks for the transparency I know we all have those struggles I mean my own story I'm in the same as Brianna, like our grandmother was the one that tried to lead us all us grandkids and tell us the gospel and the good news of Jesus and everything I think I was the one that was the most stubborn out of the four of us but everything's great now, but yeah so that's great. So the next section we're going to be going into is what was the problem like before. So can you just describe me the situation with your son of like what was it that was just always messing up or falling apart or just not working how you wanted it to I mean obviously as a parent there's a certain way that you would like things to play out but how were they not playing out? Okay so when the journey started for us to find a different way to communicate with C regarding his emotions, the issue was that he would have these explosive fits which would be like screaming, kicking, just not wanting to listen to a thing that you say and yeah or he'd like run away, screaming in the house or go hide and not answer you when you're trying to talk to him that sort of thing and I, of course, I was raised that if you were disrespectful in a major way right that redirection was required and typically that was through spanking, which yeah I mean that's I don't have any issue with that, that's not, there's a difference between spanking and abuse, end of story, I'm not gonna go any further with that one. But so that was something that I was raised on so I never had an issue with it so our discipline when it got to the point where he was completely disrespectful was to go to that and it got to the point where that wasn't doing anything he the response was only getting worse so it only escalated the issue so I started to really pray about how things should change and that's what started the journey.

Was there like a specific moment that was like all right we need to try something different or was it just like you said it was just we're trying this it's not working or was there just a point where you just like had a breaking moment where you're just like man like what else is out there? Yes, so definitely breaking moment. We, I specifically had a moment where I can't remember the exact details of what led to the escalation but it got to the point where even after I had spanked him once he was screaming at me like I hate you I don't want to talk to you which of course hate in our house, we don't like that word, right, it's a very strong word he doesn't fully understand what it means to hate somebody and so I was like no we're not doing that that's completely disrespectful you need to stop that so after multiple times of having that discussion him not hearing it a second spanking typically is my limit like I won't go further than that, I will resort to like soap in your mouth if you're going to continue this thing like that so and it didn't go straight to a spanking just to back up a little bit he was in timeout first and then he was kicking the wall and throwing things that he could grab around him etc. So it led up to that point and finally after the second time with him telling me that he hated me didn't want to talk to him he was so mad I just started crying and I just like walked away from his room, I came into my room I started crying. My husband wasn't at home at the time and I texted him and I'm like I don't know what else to do. He was like let him have some time and we can discuss it later. And his, C has a camera in his room so I can see what he's doing in his room. So I let him just cool down, I calmed down, took myself out of the situation because I know I was only escalating too. My anger was rising as he continued and I just started praying as I was crying and I was like something needs to change, I can't keep doing this, I don't want to continue to spank him because that only of course spanking hurts so then you cry about that because it hurts and yeah that was the point where I was like nope I'm not we can't keep doing this so.

Okay yeah I know that all too well I remember when I was little my mom would, I was a spanking child too, I think it was an 80s thing but I got, it would get to the point where my mom would spank me because I was in trouble and I would just look at her and be like that didn't hurt and she's like well wait until your father gets home then and then I'm going to disappear at 6:00 PM. So but yeah, I definitely agree with you, there is a difference between spanking and abuse, so there's it's just interesting like the different ways to correct and you even see that these days which I'm really excited to see what you're about to share because it's like all the time you see these Facebook memes for like parents and grandparents and like kind of the younger even on your side, I mean you have a younger child of like, I miss the day, I feel like this generation that got raised up without spankings is worse than the 80s kids that got raised up by spanking so it's interesting to see how different people orchestrate this I know as I was reading what you're you're wanting to share it also reminds me of my pastor and I'll share that story after yours of just how he handled it and I was just like that was completely the opposite of how I was raised but it was effective so I'm really excited to see what you're about to share. So the next section that we're going to be going into is what was it like while you were trying to find this new solution. So the first question is what were some of, types of things that you tried that didn't quite work or was it the first thing that you tried that was different worked the first time I'm probably not the latter.

Yeah so it did take quite a few tools and situations and of course time right because you know he's six years old and we started this process when he was I don't know I think he was four, four and a half and so we tried like the different books where they were like okay well when he gets mad allow him to go have a quiet time in his room or you know have a timeout chair but call it the quiet chair or the calming chair or whatever and I'm like okay well listen if I go tell my child to go to his room in the middle of him throwing a fit that's not going to do anything he's just going to get even more mad or he's going to throw things across his room then he's going to get mad because I'm going to tell him to clean it up and yes so the calming chair knew that didn't do anything and so as we found the things that didn't work it got to the point where I read this book and I'm so sorry I was trying to find it I put it somewhere and of course as we were talking about getting ready for this you mentioned you probably loaned it out because it was so good and then now I don't know where it is and that might be the case I really don't have any idea where this book is what bugs me is I just remember what's on the cover so don't remember any of the author information I just remember what I read and one of the things was it went according alongside my background in psychology and so it was like okay so think of a child as someone who of course, isn't able to communicate their emotions and so they don't understand what they're feeling and the only thing that they do know on how to get our attention is to be explosive and it's in the moments when that happens and leading up to where we should be our best selves learning how to respond level-headed and help them establish the emotions that fit into that moment.

Yeah should I keep going I don't know if yours is broken down into more questions I feel like I'm leading into some of the other ones. Yeah you're leading into some things but no that's right on track. I like what you said there that it's like a lot of times it's like even reminds me of most people it's like when we get stressed out we either lash out or we isolate it's like one of the two it's the flight or fight response of like I'm either gonna fight because I don't know how to handle this or I'm just gonna run away and disappear and then it's like some people reach out to you like a family member or your mom or your dad or someone from church is like hey where'd you go it's like oh I'm still here just stressed out. But yeah so when you're trying all these different things I know that you found this but what was like the most difficult thing as you're trying different scenarios and strategies?

Getting him to understand the differences in emotions because we know there's so many and even the ones that we've been able to utilize most without the tools that we were able to find he just didn't understand. When we use the words are you frustrated or are you mad, believe it or not those are two different things and even as adults some of us don't realize there's 156 emotions, i don't describe 156 emotions, there's probably more than that but I know for a fact that there's 156 listed on an emotion-wheel, a feelings wheel and trying to get a six-year-old or a toddler to understand that it's too much so you have to break it down into the broader emotion where each of the smaller ones fall into it and it wasn't until I found the tools that we were able to use did he start understanding what I was asking him so we could communicate what emotions he had so it wasn't just I don't know I'm just oh right you just get this grunting sound which we all still do as adults. I often do especially when I can't speak through what emotions I have at the moment. So the biggest challenge was just finding and explaining the broad emotions that many fall into but at least so that he can communicate more with us so we can help identify how he can better approach them and respond to those emotions. That reminds me a lot of the Pixar movie Inside Out, like she starts out with like I think what was like five emotions; anger, disgust, joy, sadness, and was it just the four? Fear. Sadness, right because as babies, your only response to things, if you want something is to cry. yeah and how the other person yeah but then by the end of the movie they put in that whole new deck that had like all different emotions it's crazy that there's like at least 156 like I can't even name a dozen. Yeah I understand and that's because as we grow up and as we learn different things we are so quick to just find the broadest term instead of really dialing down what led to that large broad-spectrum response that we have so. That's so true, yeah I have nothing else to add to that but I guess we can go on to the next question. Okay so the next question then as you're you're trying to find new things some of them are more difficult you're starting to find stuff that's working. In what ways was the enemy attacking you personally as you're going through this I know that you said that obviously you're feeling bad when you'd spank your child like he's crying you go to your room and you're crying at any point during these scenarios. It's a cry fest! So at any point during any of these scenarios was was the enemy trying to interject in there saying that you're a bad mom or you're this or you're that and trying to question your identity?

Every day, every day multiple times a day even I feel like, okay so no it's not even I feel like, 100 transparent real mom you feel it even on the good days. There isn't a day that goes by where the enemy isn't trying to say you're failing, you're not doing this right, someone could do it better, and those lies especially in the moments where there's a lot of emotions in the house and you have these extreme emotional circumstances tied to it that's when the enemy, is it's that instead of him in your face it's sometimes that quiet whisper where it's like someone could be doing better or you shouldn't be a b and c to him or you know again you're failing, you're not good enough, you're a bad mom, you're terrible at this, every everything imaginable that you can try to label is what the enemy is saying and it's even on the good days and one of the things a really dear friend of mine said to me in one of the moments when I called her and and spoke to her about what had happened she was like, Bree, you're his mom God entrusted C to you and you alone, so there is no failing, there is no they may be better, everyone has a variety of parenting styles, and how they raise their child, the different things they choose to discuss at a variety of ages, no one is going to parent the same way as someone else would but one of the things that just like hit me and was like no enemy you have no place here I'm not going to listen to a word you say was when she said God entrusted him to you and it was like bam there's nothing that I can do that is going to be anything less than God had him planned for me.

That's so good that's, yeah it even reminds me of like even Jeremiah like when it says before the foundations of this world like you were the plan for the mom and he was the plan to come through you and I never really thought about it like that, that's really that's an amazing point to describe that it's so easy like you said that either the enemy coming in and saying you're a bad mom or looking at other mothers with different styles and they might seem like when they're in the grocery store their kids are all attentive and good but who knows what things are like behind a closed door or in different situations. when things aren't falling apart or like you said these extreme emotional situations where yeah the reactions might be completely different than a kid just sitting in the cart playing video games on the cell phone being good. Yeah and on that same note it's because of the enemy, that mom-shaming is such an issue really. It is, that's completely from the enemy you're like you're saying you go to the grocery store and you can see kids that are attentive and you can go to a grocery store or restaurant and have a kid that is having an emotional time and you can look at the mom and you can tell that she's just tired and she doesn't know what to do and it's in those moments where, just say a silent prayer and rebuke the enemy because that is literally him going after that family right in front of your eyes.

And of course, then that has its ripple effects later down the road because then she carries that with her, like oh my gosh, all these people are looking at me and da da da da it's just more weapons for the enemy it's crazy. So besides you reaching out to your friend at that moment and her giving you that amazing advice was there any other like scripture or types of encouragement or people that were kind of coming alongside you to help you through this situation?

Yeah,Romans 12:2 I think is the reference. Hold on. You explain it, I'll look it up on my phone. Yeah, so I mean, I just, I break it down but the biggest thing is like having patience and being constant in prayer. I'm pretty sure it's Romans, I think it's Romans 12:2, I'm almost positive but it's like it's in essence God's saying for you to be patient in the times, rest in his promise that he's gonna get you through, and be constant in prayer for whatever is going on and it's and it's that scripture that I held on to in the moments where I was starting to escalate emotionally, where I'm just like no I need to calm myself, I need to find peace and knowing that God is going to get us through and he's going to help me find a better way to talk through how C is feeling so that we can get past this explosive nature. I'm almost positive it's 12:2. So Romans 12:2 is the do not conform to this world but that's another very popular quote too, I think the one that you are looking for is Romans 2:4 and it says do not show contempt for the riches of his kindness forbearance and patience not realizing that god's kindness is intended to lead you to peace and, I don't know what the next, peace and abundance and great goodness. It's like you said, it's realizing that in those moments like he's got you. And then the next question would be was there like as you're going through this journey and trying these different things I mean you had this surprise moment of your friend sharing that like C is intended for you like there's going to be no better mother because God chose you as the mother, was there any other big like surprise moments or revelations as you're going through this and you realize or like aha moments or just anything that kind of jumped out as you were going through this over the last, I guess two years? I mean the other aha moment honestly was kind of like what we talked about before was just understanding that the only the reason why he was getting to the level of just screaming and shouting and kicking was because he didn't understand what he was feeling and so his first response for his age without knowing how to explain it is just anger and that's that's anger and feeling a flood of emotions not knowing what emotions those are, having no idea how to communicate those emotions, and really not understanding at his age how to calm himself from feeling all of that and getting back to a state of content.

Okay so now that we've kind of unpacked what was it like during the situation, are you trying to find solutions, the next section we'll go into is what is it what was it like when you found the thing that works, what was like the big pivotal turning point I know you referenced this book that breaks down the feelings, your background in psychology helps a lot but what was like the big pivotal moment where you're just like all right, C and me are able to, have a sit-down, have a conversation, and him being able to kind of start explaining his emotions better what was that moment like? So it's gonna seem super anticlimactic because it doesn't sound as pivotal, it probably doesn't sound as pivotal as what it was in the moment, but the biggest moment was when in the middle of C being extremely frustrated and it was literally him blood-curdling, screaming, kicking, throwing things, I looked at him and said how can we talk about this and his first response to me was I want my monster feelings book. So this is a different book than the one that we were talking about before. This is a lovely book in case you guys just so that you saw the page so it's what if i know my feelings by michelle nelson schmidt and it's a toddler book that we found at barnes and noble, Chastin and well now you know my son's full name Chastin saw the monster on the front and was instantly drawn to it and then once I read the title for him when we first bought it, he was like mommy that can help me and that can help me know how to talk is what he said and then in the moment when he said i want my monster feelings book it was after we had read through this book and it literally goes through and has multiple monsters that talk about a variety of emotions from happy, sad, grateful, angry, shy, all of those and more and he was able to run back to our room where our bookshelf is and grabs that book and sit down and look through the monsters and see their faces and point to it and say this is what I'm feeling and I don't know why so we could pick apart what was really going on and he was able to fully explain how he felt and then we talked about how he could respond to it differently instead of screaming and kicking and we just honestly we prayed right then and there because we knew that the specific emotion that he was feeling at that time was from the enemy.

That's so great I definitely think that was a pivotal moment that was climatic okay yeah because that's that's crazy for him to be able to process even with everything's going on in this extreme moment that he's like I want my monster book! yeah like let's go get it yeah that's right that's cool that I was like that's crazy you want to share that book one more time so that mothers can. Yeah so it's what if I know my feelings by Michelle Nelson-Schmidt and it's m-i-c-h-e-l-l-e and then nelson schmidt is hyphenated and this schmidt is spelled s-c-h-m-i-d-t. Awesome and I'll be sure, that a little bit of echo there, I'll be sure to share that in the comments too of this video for those of you that want to click out and check that out on amazon. So now we have C that's kind of being able to process, how were you feeling in that moment and afterwards being able to use this book how did that make you feel? Yeah so it was a huge relief, I remember after we got done praying he turned around and he looked at me and he goes, "mommy I understand" and I was like you know you just have this like this moment where you just feel like it's lifted but at the same time it pulls at your heart strings because you're like yes we can finally communicate and don't get me wrong we still have times where it's explosive and we just have to talk through it again and there are still times when it's repetitive where he will still get spanked but it's not to the point where it's as I want to say frequent but I feel like that can sound wrong but you know it's like once every few months or something like that instead of maybe like a couple times a month or you know so it's a big relief and then like as soon as we got done praying I just and when we were calm he went back to playing with his toys I walked back into the room for a minute and I just prayed and just thank God for working through it and I still do to this day when we have those moments, the biggest thing is walking away if you're too mad to talk about the emotions of your children walk away it's no different advice that I would give also if you're talking to a spouse or significant other or even family members do not speak in anger because anything that comes from anger from your mouth typically is not kind, because we're not level-headed.

Actually, I think that answered the next question that was, what was the biggest learning experience? Yeah just being able to not respond to their emotional situation by being emotional. Yeah so that's so good though I remember there's a book I read that was called Crucial Conversations and it shared something very similar where, it's a business book but a lot of relationships like when you want to talk about a relationship with a girlfriend or boyfriend or marriage or whatever a lot of people reference that book as well, and it says very similar things, where it's like if you can't have an emotional conversation while being emotional, so it's like one of you could be emotional but if both of you are emotional it's just gonna be a mess. So it's like if you're being pulled into an emotional conversation and you start like you said you start to feel yourself getting emotional, it's just like all right let's let's just take a break it's not that I don't want to hear you or I don't care what you have to say it's just like I want to come to this I want to come at this from a good place so that we're not just starting to beat each other up. Yeah and I feel like as C gets older and now that he's able to he's to the point where he's writing things himself, the next step that we want to start working on is that when he's really frustrated instead of trying to get him to talk right away because many of us when we're frustrated we don't want to talk, so our next step is for him to start learning how to write down what he's feeling and or paint it, something where we can talk through it after we're both calm and the same for me, like what led up to that point what was I feeling in the moment when it got escalated and write those emotions down, write what happened down, write the responses down, and then discuss what would have been better what is the more appropriate way to respond and on that same note actually recently at church for C, the pastors started asking the kids if you don't know whether or not what you're doing is okay then ask yourself would God be happy with this decision or response and so that's one of the things too that we want to start working on C recognizing and for him to say will this make God happy if I respond in this way?

That's really great that reminds me of Autumn like, my sister, Brianna's cousin, when she was in college she did summer camps and it was that same idea that she was working with kids with disabilities and they're not able to explain verbally their emotions so they would draw them and it's, it was crazy some of the drawings these kids were drawing, like they were making, like just the release of these emotions whether they'd be like, they're excited and it's just like crazy, like unicorns and rainbows everywhere or like these kinds of darker anger, grief, sadness, and it's just dark but it's like it's a way for them to be able to express themselves and then it's even like like you said coming back around afterwards and saying hey like explain to me this drawing and it's like they're talking about themselves but they're not making that connection they're just thinking about they're talking about drawing. That's really cool, it also says a lot for drawings based on the colors that they pick because they're often associated with the emotion that's going on.

That's very true, I know doing marketing we're all about colors too and it's funny that we associate a color with emotion but we do. Yeah that concludes the section of what was it like once you figured out that we just need a monster book. So the next question is what's going on now, what's next, like what are you currently working on with C? Well like I talked about a little bit, we are working on him learning how to write things down when he's frustrated, possibly go to his arts in order to explain his emotions and articulate them so that we can further discuss them and then also for him to learn more emotions so that instead of always having to rely on the book, he's able to just tell me so fully associate what emotion he's feeling so that he can communicate it even if the book isn't available like if we're out and about and we're not at home he can say okay this is what I'm feeling and I think that's really important to safety-wise when he's around other individuals and not always right around us so yeah. That's really good and then the last question of this interview and we actually did this in time so everybody's going to be happy about that that it's not an hour and a half like the first interview, I know we all have short attention spans and limited time especially being mothers, so the last question that I would like to ask you is just anything and it doesn't have to be about the advice or the situations that we were talking about but as a mother is there anything that you would like to share to other mothers to currently encourage them with stuff that's going around in the world child care I mean there's just so many things right now that just throw a mother's schedule off, is there anything that you would like to share? So I think the biggest thing that I would, hopefully it will come across well, is whatever you decide for your child in terms of anything from education, to different sports that they're in, whether or not you guys are going out or staying in, don't ever feel ashamed for the decision that you're making and know that if you are out and about and you have moms that are mom-shaming you, listen, just rebuke it because that is directly from the enemy trying to get in your head, also self-care is important, very important and do not feel guilty about hiding in the closet eating chocolate, it is not a problem.

Stellar advice that all the chocolate companies will be happy now right, I'm gonna have to get a chocolate sponsor. That's right, they have to send me some too. Okay, all right, will do. So yeah, so I think that's gonna conclude our interview definitely a lot to share, a bunch of good key moments in there, the one thing I did want to conclude this with was like I said earlier with my pastor, the way that he shared the situation was, I was over at his house and one of his kids, I don't even remember what they did, they either hit their brother or sister or they took a toy from them or something, I don't it don't it doesn't really matter the situation is regardless but it was cool how he allowed me to watch this, but he took the child that was causing the problems into a separate room so that he wasn't being punished in front of his siblings which was cool because like I remember a lot of times like when I was younger it was wherever you're at that's where it was happening but it was cool how he took him into a separate room and he just sat him on their bunk beds and he just had a conversation with them where he was like all right this is what happened and this is what I feel was incorrect and it was very calm conversation like the child was still crying at the time because he thought he was gonna get in trouble and everything but he sat him down and he shared the situation, what the problem was, and what he felt was, what should have been going on instead of what the child was doing in response and then he basically just asked the child do you want to do this and this is going to be the consequence next time, like you're going to know what's going to happen if you continue doing this this is what's going to be the consequence or you can do this and you get to just continue doing what you're doing like you can play with your toys and I think it was at the point like he took a toy and he's like you could just ask your brother if he if you could have played with his toy instead of just taking it and it was cool how he put the choice on the child and he wasn't in trouble at that point but he knew that if he did it again the next time there was gonna be a consequence or he could here's a better way of doing things and you just simply ask your sister or your brother for the toy and then nothing bad happens but it i think it was cool how it allowed them to be able to make those decisions even though they were younger. I mean really that's all about what life is, something happens and we get to decide do we want to do this or that or this or that and it's, it was cool how he was kind of just starting that young, allowing these kids to know that there are consequences for certain decisions and other decisions there's not but it was really cool how and then they just said all right like and the kid was like all right next time I'll ask them if I can just borrow their toy instead of just taking it and it's like all right well then let's go back and he actually I remember I think it was a toy because I remember we went back out to the living room he went up to his brother and he's like hey can I play with your toy truck and the brother was like yeah he was just mad that he took it without asking but it was like just those simple things like you said but as children, like they're not able to make those decisions or they just don't know how to make those decisions because they've just never had that experience.

Yeah that's actually a great point and I'm glad that you were talking about that with your pastor because that's also something that we're doing for him when he's around other kids because he's an only child, so like, when he's with other kids, it's okay like, okay, so you should have asked prior and if you do it again then this is what happens so you choose whether or not you continue your behavior. Exactly but yeah that was so cool but like I said like you said there's so many ways to wait to raise children, definitely try different things, there's no right or wrong answers as you're trying different things, talk to other people who have kids that was another reason why I even wanted to start this channel, is just to just selfishly get advice for myself for one day having kids and then also just being able to have a place for mothers just to share advice so they can have different things that work and what doesn't work and like you said, sitting in a calming chair does not make you calm. Yes, that is so right. So yeah I think that's gonna conclude the interview today, like I said we're at 44 minutes so right on time. So I just want to thank you Brianna for sharing today, tell C I say hi and we'll get this up on youtube so everybody can check it out and if you guys have any other further questions or comments feel free to post them in the comment section below and I'll either reach out to Brianna or she can respond directly and we'll answer anything that you guys have to say or ask. Thank you so much for having me have a good night. Thank you Brianna, I'll talk to you later.Bye